If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
