LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize