This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
