so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
