just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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