ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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