ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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