My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
