Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
