He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
