Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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