she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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