Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
