Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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