Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
