All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
