the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You are the jesus of drinking
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
