remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
