I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
