she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
