Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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