Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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