I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize