Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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