I seem to have left my pride at pride
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
