I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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