How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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