I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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