If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bring me that man meat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
