Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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