It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
