This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
