she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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