I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
