her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dicks are not precious.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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