you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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