How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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