I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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