We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
