smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
