i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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