you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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