its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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