you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
