he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just cropdusted the office
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize