if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
