Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
