I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
