Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
