We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
