Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You are the jesus of drinking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize