yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
