Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
