i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
