so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Operation Purity has been aborted
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
