I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
