She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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