She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
