I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
