just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
