I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
