Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
