i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
