We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
