u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
