he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
