She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
