And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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