and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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