Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
