tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
