margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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