Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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