I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
should my penis look like a turkey
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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