if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
