I want to walk on stilts...naked
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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