Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
