I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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