Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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