Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
