I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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