ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
