I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
