my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
