he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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