You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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