problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
