It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think i got beer on your cat.
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