So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize