I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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