Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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