Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
