I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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