lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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