I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
