Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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